A Potentially Hazardous Mega-Asteroid Is Approaching Earth And Everyone Should Start Freaking Out
According to IGN Entertainment (that sounds reliable enough, right???):
NASA has confirmed that an asteroid larger than the tallest man-made structure in the world is currently traveling towards Earth at a speed of almost 34,000 miles per hour.
According to International Business Times, NASA's Center for Near-Earth Object Studies (CNEOS) identified that the "potentially hazardous" asteroid could come close to intersecting with our planet's path on February 15, 2020, at 6:05 a.m. (EST).
I'll be honest - the combination of acronyms, dates, times, and numbers in the paragraphs above means that I looked at them intensely but didn't actually read or comprehend them. Instead, I focused on a few key words and have come to a conclusion:
We are definitely, 110% for sure about to go extinct. This is it and I will do no further research on the subject.
I felt oddly calm about this in my usual selfish 'misery loves company' type way. It's not just me that's fucked, it's everyone! We're all in this together! Me & my cat Spork evaporating into the ether together, hand in paw for all eternity…
But wait…. Wha?? As I was spending my final moments scrolling Twitter I saw that the IGN story was just awful clickbait??????
Even NASA's official Center for Near Earth Object Studies called out the fake news. Yes, the asteroid will be passing by - but nearly 6M miles away which is even farther than what that other science guy above thought…
Damn, what's a blogger to do? I don't want to clickbait & lie to anyone like IGN, but it's looking like I'll still have to pay rent next month now so…
IT'S STILL TOTALLY HAPPENING! EVERYONE START FREAKING OUT & SHARING THIS WITH LOVED ONES! AHHH KEEP SHARING IT! MOMMA NEEDS CLICKS! HA HA AHHHHHHH!